and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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