Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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