remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
