I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
