He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
well you can't waste a boner
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's never too late to be topless.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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