I cannot find my penis.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize