nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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