also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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