I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
