I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize