just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
