Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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