Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
