I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
