Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
