So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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