i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
