I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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