Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
