Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
did you just send me my own nude
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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