OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
