you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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