i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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