I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
