so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize