I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize