I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
