I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
