i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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