Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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