slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
