i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You are the jesus of drinking
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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