Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
