I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
