I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
