I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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