Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
