I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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