you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
