let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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