just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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