I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
