gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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