I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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