so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
