whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
