my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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