I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
