I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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