Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
