i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
