I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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