I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
