Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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