i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
