The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
farters have to be the big spoon...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
