please come you make the beer taste better
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Couch. On fire.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
