I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
