Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
