he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
