Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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