She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
