that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
