I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
