I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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