Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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