OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
