I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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