I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
the liver wants what the liver wants
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
